• After such an awful season the Columbus Blue Jackets got a great piece of news today when they were informed by the league that they will be hosting next year’s All-Star Game.  Maybe now they can start building a team worthy of having at least one All-Star selection! – Link
• There are some rumors flying around of a mega trade between the Canucks and the Ducks.  The trade would have the Ducks sending Corey Perry to Vancouver for Cory Schneider, Mason Raymond and Keith Ballard.  Yes, Ducks netmider Jonas Hiller is having a career worst year in net but he still has an above .900 save percentage and not the real problem with the team at this point.  If this trade is completed, I would say major win for the Canucks and head scratcher for the Ducks.
• The Chicago Blackhawks certainly got older in the trade for Brendan Morrison but I don’t know if they got any better.  The Hawks front office must think that the team needs some leadership on the ice because Morrison isn’t the same player that he was in the early 2000′s. – Link
• On September 15th the current CBA is set to expire and with what has transpired thus far, things are looking like it is going to be a nasty fight.  The latest comes from Jason Spezza when he made comments to reporters at the All-Star Media Day Link .  It seems like the NHLPA is trying to get out in front of this thing with some posturing but the bottom line is that the NHL cannot afford another work stoppage.
• The NHL Awards will be in Las Vegas again this year.  Hopefully they don’t let Jay Mohr come back and we all remember this mess – Link

by Ryan Meehan
 
Wednesday I was very excited because I received a package from New York City containing the new record from standup comedian and writer John Mulaney.  John writes for Saturday Night Live at the moment and is best known for his work as a correspondent on the “Weekend Update” segment with Seth Meyers.  Mulaney’s second standup record is called “New in Town”, the follow-up to his album “The Top Part” which was released back when he was touring on the Comedians of Comedy tour in 2007 with Patton Oswalt and Brian Posehn.  Additionally, he was most recently named by Rolling Stone magazine as one of the “Eight rising starts guaranteed to keep you laughing for years”.

John sort of looks like Michael Buble, but more heroin chic, sans the track marks.  He’s a skinny guy, and speaks in a relatively high register.  He’s written for several different awards shows and television shows, but clearly saves his A material for his standup act.  I was very impressed by the quality of this CD as well as Mulaney’s ability to move through bits without depending on a segue between every track.

My biggest pet peeve about comedy these days is that comics have this tendency to roll over the same topics, and Mulaney doesn’t do that on this disc.  It’s cliché for a reviewer to say that a performer is a “thinking man’s comedian”, but sometimes being a true thinking man’s comedian can assist in ensuring you don’t roll over those same themes.  Mulaney is a lot like Demetri Martin without that sort of “I’m smarter than you” style of patronizing comedy; he assumes that the audience is just as smart as he is.  “Thinking outside of the box” is yet another cliché, but would also apply here as Mulaney only shares stories about his life experiences that are very oblong and haven’t happened to almost everyone who has ever got onstage at an open mic.  In other words, it’s a fucking pleasure to listen to a comedy album without hearing the comedian’s story about their trip to the DMV, or why they think gay marriage or marijuana should be legal.  It’s my hope that we can all agree there shouldn’t be anymore discussion about those three things on stage unless there’s a comic that comes up with something that’s just pure brilliance.  (Which won’t happen)

Here are some textual snippets from “New in Town”: 

“I was once on the telephone with Blockbuster Video, which is a very old fashioned sentence…”

“Little people have never been enslaved…unless you count the Wonka factory…” 

“Yes, this is going to get playfully Anti-Semitic, so just allow it to go there…”

“Jewish people don’t daydream, because folks are after them and they gotta stay sharp…”

“The plan for Irish people is ‘I’ll keep all of my emotions bottled up right here…And then one day, I’ll die’.” 

“He said ‘Hey, were you at my party this weekend?’, and I said ‘No!’, you know…like a LIAR.” 

The only real negative talking point about this record would be John’s voice IF you happen to not be a fan of it.  (He sort of sounds a little bit like Jello Biafra)  As the certified personal owner of a voice that many would (and have) consider(ed) to be annoying, I could definitely see that being the case.  But after a few tracks, I found that his voice has this kind of calming Food Networkesque tone and it grew on me. 

Mulaney with Eugene Mirman

I’m not going to spoil the surprise, but towards the end of the CD there’s one particular bit that saves the album after it had gone dry for a couple of minutes.  It’s about a high school party and something that was stolen, and I’ll just leave it at that.  Everyone who’s ever thrown a party at their parents’ house has had something like that happen to them, but nowhere near that sadistic. 

Overall rating:  8.6/10.0

As with any standup CD, there are dry moments, there are very few performers anymore that can carry a full album without there being some low points.  As David Spade says “It’s called pace, people, they’re not all winners” – he’s right.  Thankfully for Mulaney, he’s above sea level through the whole program.  It’s a good listen, and it’s well worth the download. 

Official Website:  http://www.johnmulaney.com/

John’s Comedy Central Profile:  http://comedians.jokes.com/john-mulaney

John on Twitter:  https://twitter.com/#!/mulaney

John on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/#!/john.mulaney

Don’t forget to catch John’s hour-long comedy special this Saturday, January 28th at 10 EST / 9 CST on Comedy Central, and pick up the live DVD special out Tuesday the 31st from Comedy Central Home Entertainment. 

Once again thanks for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying more of the internet’s finest in user generated content. 

Meehan

The NHL All-Star break is upon us and the Fantasy Draft commences this evening.  Cal and Coach Ryan have decided to put their hockey knowledge to the test and have their own Fantasy, Fantasy draft.  Following the same two team format and rules, drafting all your goalies by the 10th round and your defenders by the 15th, Cal and Coach Ryan are going to be putting their hockey pride on the line.  What is at stake?  The winner gets a 12pk of Labatt Blue (our favorite hockey beer) and the loser has to wear a piece of clothing supporting the favorite hockey team of the winner (Coach Ryan – Columbus, Cal – Detroit).

I as Coach Ryan sometimes find it difficult to admit that the two teams I root for are the Blue Jackets and the Lightning although being from Cleveland it is fitting. That being said sometimes I am embarrassed to sport Columbus gear so the thought of seeing Cal wearing it is quite intriguing. The rules are simple we are going to flip a coin to determine if you want to draft first or pick the captain. After the All Star Game on Sunday Cal and I will add up the points and make the other one pose in the other person’s apparel. Here is how the scoring works:

• 2 points goal
• 1 point assist
• 2 points winning goaltender
• 2 points MVP2 points best team +/-
• .25 points for a skills competition individual win

We apologize for errors, grammatically and otherwise.  We were on a time crunch.

Now that the rules are established, time for another beer and to dig through my couch to find a coin…

Coach Ryan: Should I call heads or tails? I’ll call…heads. (And like a true Clevelander the coin is tails).

Cal: I will gladly take Team Alfedsson w/ Henrik Lundqvisk, which leaves Coach Ryan with an overachiever Joffrey Lupul and a goon Zdano Chara.

Coach Ryan: I really hate Cal. How is Lupal even an assistant captain? I’d feel more confident having a concussed Sidney Crosby being my assistant captain! That’s it time to go for the jugular, with the first pick in the first round of the draft I select:

Round 1:

Coach Ryan – Pavel Datsyuk In my opinion Pavel Datsyuk is one of the most exciting players to watch, in the entire league, no questions about it. With the absence of Crosby and Ovechkin having a very off year, Pavel has led the league in WOW moments. I feel like out of his 14 goals about 12 of them are sportscenter highlights. One thing I love about him is he has the potential to make the fans’ jaws drop but he often passes first which has gotten him third in the league in assists (36) and total points (53). In my draft I would take him first just to stick it Cal who has an unhealthy obsession with this Russian born All Star.

Cal – Evgeni Malkin  How can you go wrong with the NHL points leader?  Evgeni could have easily given up on the season with all of the injuries that have plagued the Pens (including one to him), but instead he has taken his game to the next level.  5 goals in his last 5 games and each one looking prettier then the last I will happily let Geno center my top line.

Round 2:

Coach Ryan – Erik Karlsson It is no secret that Alfredsson has come out and said that if he gets to pick first that Karlsson would be his number one overall. Karlsson has 7 goals and is second in the NHL with 40 assists. I think it would be great fun to see Chara go out and grab Karlsson if he has the first pick to mess up Team Alfredsson’s game plan and put teammate against teammate, which is why I am doing this to Cal.

Cal – Steven Stamkos   The goals leader in the NHL, how could I pass him up?  This guy continues to score goals at a massive clip while playing on a sub-par team.  He doesn’t have the “wow” factor of Malken but he makes up for it with a top shelf shot that rivals the best in the league.  Stamkos can also beat the best in the league and is intimidated by no one, which makes him a great selection in the second round.

Round 3:

Coach Ryan – Claude Giroux  In my opinion Claude Giroux is up there with Pavel Datsyuk when it comes to possible Hart Trophy candidates. There are a few players who have really stepped up their game when other players/ superstars have gone down with injuries and along with Malkin, Giroux is one of those players. Currently he is 2nd in the league in points with 55 and 4^th in assists. As long as Giroux keeps being Mr. Clutch, he also has 6 GWG, the Flyers will still have a chance and Claude could have a chance to pick up All Star MVP honors.

Cal – Jimmy Howard is my obvious selection because I love the Red Wings.  At this point it gives me two of the top goaltenders in the league and it gives me a Red Wing on my team.  Howard has one of the best gloves in the league and minus his hiccup in Montreal, he has been the anchor of a very strong Detroit team and he will be the anchor of my team as well.

Round 4:

Coach Ryan - Phil Kessel  Mr. Irrelevant he definitely is not in this year’s All Star Game. Just about every hockey fan, and player, got a good laugh at Kessel’s expense last year and you must admit he took it with a smile. Maybe that lit a fire somewhere inside because he is a completely different player this year as he is 4^th in the league with 26 goals and 8^th in total points with 51.  I think it would be hilarious if he got chosen with one of the top picks and sat up there snapping pictures of everyone.

Cal – Daniel Sedin is still sitting there waiting for me, he shall be mine.  Year in, year out the Sedin twins put up monster numbers regardless of how the Canucks are playing.  Daniel averages just over a point per game and his 51 points puts him right in the thick of things in the top ten of the points race.  My big question is, will his brother fall to my lap as well and which Sedin will win this points race?

Round 5:

Coach Ryan – Tim Thomas Damn those decisions. Do I stop him from getting both of those Sedins or go after a goalie so I’m not stuck with Carey Price? Damn you Cal!!!   Thomas continues to be one of the most solid goaltenders in the league and a major reason that Boston has stayed at or near the top of my Power Rankings all season. Currently he is 9^th in the league with 20 wins and has an impressive .933 Save %. As long as Thomas is in goal, your team has a good chance of winning. Hopefully the winning goalie of this game doesn’t get a trip to the White House to meet the President.

Cal – Marian Hossa - How did this guy not put up these numbers in Detroit?  Top 3 in points and the guy is dangerous from anywhere on the ice.  I think Hossa is the second most valuable player on the team (to Patrick Sharp) and where he goes the team goes.  Kane and Towes are great players but Hossa is a game changer that they could never afford to lose.

Round 6:

Coach Ryan – Shea Weber Having to pick all my goalies and defenders is starting to ring a bell through all the Batty Blue so I’m going to go Shea Weber Hardest shot runner-up last year. Still one of the most complete D-men in the NHL he continues to wonder with his all around hard play. As exciting as he is to watch during the All Star Game it’s in the Skills Competition where this Canadian native will look to make an impact against his rival Chara in the hardest shot competition. Last year Weber shot it 104.8 MPH which only got him second place. This year he will definitely try to get it over the 105 barrier.

Cal – Ryan Suter – Arguably the top defensive pairing in the NHL, kinda fitting that they would go back to back in the same round.  Suter’s numbers will never blow you away because of the team that he plays for but this Wisconsin native is having another solid year with 28 points, but it is his shut down defensive style that keeps the Nashville Predators in the playoff hunt every year.

Round 7:

Coach Ryan- Brian Elliott Perhaps one of the most deserving players voted in this year is Brian Elliott. Before the season started nobody really gave St. Louis a fighting chance although thanks to their goaltender who is leading the league in save % (.938), GAA (1.69), and is second in shut outs with 5 they have been a great story this season. It is kind of surprising that he is their only All Star although as long as he keeps it up, who knows how far the red hot Blues can go.

Cal – Jonathan Quick has fallen into my lap at this point to leave Mr. Price for Coach Ryan.  Poor, poor Jonathan plays out of his mind every year in a city that cares more about the boring NBA and heading to the beach then they do supporting a team that once had “The Great One”.  Another year with a sub 2 GAA and a killer save % his 21 wins puts him in top 10 in wins and yes, he plays for the Kings.

Round 8:

Coach Ryan – James Neal When the All Stars were finally announced I was quite upset that they left out Neal, luckily Ovechkin decided to go all James Harrison and got himself suspended which means he is refusing to play in the game. With Crosby out nobody has quite benefited from the opportunity quite like Neal. He right now is second in the NHL in total goals with 27, and as a fifth year player I have to think that this is the beginning of a long NHL career, as long as he doesn’t get hurt. This is Pittsburgh after all.

Cal – Henrik Sedin to complete the set.  They should always be sold as a pair, leading the league in assist with 41 Henrik always seems to play second fiddle to his goal scoring brother.  Henrik knows how to create space and dish the puck like no other  (well maybe Pavel Datsyuk) and will continue to put up monster numbers with his brother in Vancouver and keep the Canucks near the top of the Western Conference every year.

Round 9:

Coach Ryan – Tyler Seguin I see this as an obvious pick for his Boston teammate and All Star Captain Zdano Chara. Seguin has an extremely impressive and league leading +/- rating of +34, meaning if he’s on the ice keep your eyes open because he makes a difference. His season is so good that thus far he has only had three games total where he ended with a minus rating. Of course having 5 game winning goals helps that just a little as well.

Cal – Kris Letang has at least one point in 18 of the 25 games that he has played and is a great balance of offense and defense that has carried him to become a top 3 defenseman in the league.  Injuries aside Kris will make or break the Penguins season and their ability to become a force in the playoffs.  Letang is 3rd on his team with a +9 rating and has 11 power play points which factors a ton in to the teams success.

Round 10:

Coach Ryan – Carey Price Wow it’s round 10 and I only have two goalies, hmmmmm who should I pick? Carey Price Carey Price must be one of the most frustrated goalies in hockey. He has played 41 games and although he comes into this weekend with an unimpressive record of 16-17-8 you know that Montreal has way bigger problems with their defense then their goaltender who is doing all he can. I almost feel that Carey being voted into the game is a “we understand” type gesture from the other players as none of his numbers are really even worth posting to brag about. I kind of hope that Chara picks him for the selfish reasons because I think having Chara be the last line of defense for the hated Canadians goalie would be a fun story line.

Cal - Milan Michalek looks great on my team when hunting for MVP points.  Coach Ryan’s selection of Karlsson had a huge impact on this pick but that isn’t to take anything away from this goal scoring machine.  Only 3 away from his career high goal total of 26, Michalek help the Senators up while they struggled to find their way early on in the year.  Yeah this is a little high for this round but it is all about the points baby!

Round 11:

Coach Ryan – Alexander Edler Once again I am falling victim to the draft rules because I only have two defenders and there are only four rounds left to draft four more so here we go. Alexander Edler. This Canuck defender is putting up career numbers as his 34 total points is already just shy of his season high 42 points in 2009-2010 and he is currently third on the Canucks in points which is pretty impressive considering some of the personal he has around him.

Cal – Brian Campbell And the defenseman run has started and I will take Brian Campbell.  His 32 assists puts him 7th in the NHL and 2nd overall among defenseman.  Campbell gets ignored because he plays in Sunrise, but he is helping the resurgence that his happening in South Florida.  What also impresses me is his ability to stay out of the penalty box which keeps his strong defensive ability on the ice.

Round 12:

Coach Ryan – Kimmo Timonen  Timonen continues to be one of the better well-rounded defensive players in the league and outside of his 29 points the thing that attracts me most to Kimmo is his +/- ranking of +13.

Cal – Dennis Wideman As the rounds go by it is harder and hard to talk about defensive players.  Dennis Wideman is putting up another solid year with the Capitals with his 34 points which ties him for 4th among defenseman.  With the sudden hot play of the Cap’s I see Wideman staying in the top 5 for the rest of the year.

Round 13:

Coach Ryan – Keith Yandle I have one more defender to pick which is not only a hard decision for my team but also because Cal is going to get the other two I don’t pick.  Keith Yandle keeps getting better every year if you look at his numbers. This year he has a chance to get to the 50 point plateau after falling just short last year. The thing I like about him this year is he is taking a career high number of shots which should help him numbers a lot, well if he wasn’t on Phoenix. Luckily for him he will have a slightly better cast around him this weekend.

Cal – Jonathan Towes 27 goals ties him for 2nd in the NHL and merits my selection of him here.  Honestly I thought Towes would have been gone by now, but I am happy none the less.  The forwards in Chicago will continue to produce, even when they have rookies in, but that is what they do best.  I think Towes puts me in the top of the goal scoring race of this All Star game and at least I didn’t get Carey Price.

edit: Towes was replaced with Scott Hartnell, so I take Hartnell and cry a little bit

Round 14:

Coach Ryan – Marian Gaborik My that Cal is a funny guy, what he doesn’t realize is that I get to just pick two great offensive players while he is left with the defenders who are great hitters and shot blockers. I’m sure those style of players will make a huge All Star impact. That being said I’m selecting: Marian Gaborik possible 40-50 goal scorer, 25 goals (6^th), 6 GWG (3^rd), Gaborik is coming in to the All Star break on a 4 game point streak and is leading The Rangers in goals, points, shots, and home points. This season he achieved his 300^th career goal, 600 career points, 300^th career assist which is very impressive considering that all happened in half a year. The way his season is going makes you think that the Cup would be a nice addition to Marian’s season.

Cal – Dion Phaneuf has one hell of a last name.  His physical play really highlights his ability and along with my other defensive selection, I don’t have a ton to say about either.

Round 15:

Coach Ryan – Jason Spezza I’m going with the theory that an Ottawa player will win the MVP and so I am going with: Spezza is another hometown player for the host Senators which generally means he can be a difference maker. Spezza has played in all 52 games this season and has put up a solid 50 points thus far which is 10^th in the league and first on Ottawa.

Cal – Dan Girardi just fell into my lap at this selection, or at least that is what I am telling myself.  I don’t think defenseman are going to make much of an impact on the big picture of the All-Star game, as it seems to be more about the star forwards showcasing their skills but Girardi is no slouch.

Round 16:

Coach Ryan – John Tavares The poor Islanders have little to be excited about this year with the exception of their lone All Star John Tavares. This year he’s second on the Isles in goals 20, assists 29, and first in points with 49. I’m sure the Islanders would love to have another few players with Tavares’ talent, then again the Islanders would also love a new home in New York as well.

Cal – Patrick Kane Well our buddy Tim would be proud of me as I select Patrick Kane.  I don’t think this could have gone any worse for a guy who is a die-hard Wings fan but hey I have to draft the talent.  Kane is having a down year in goal scoring but his is still producing with 41 points and I think he is going to have a monster second part of the season.

Round 17:

Coach Ryan – Jordan Eberle A late addition to the game this Oiler had no reason not to initially be included. He leads his team in goals (18), assists (27), and of course total points. This second year player already has as many goals and more assists than his rookie year in 14 fewer games. This is one of those young talents that make the NHL the great product that it is.

Cal – Corey Perry as well as the rest of his Anaheim teammates are all having a down year scoring but his 22 goals aren’t a complete downer.  I expected Perry to keep pace with Stamkos this year but it seems that he has lowered his game to the level of his team because I know that he has the talent and that is why I selected him at this slot.

Round 18:

Coach Ryan – Jarome Iginla Father time may slowly be catching up with Iginla but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want him on my team. In his 15^th NHL season and Jarome is still going into the All Star Break with 39 points. This season he has also gone over the 1,000 point mark this season. But why do I really love Iginla? On January 10^th when he got his 501^st goal he topped off the game with a Gordie Howe hat-trick.

Cal – Jason Pominville leads the Sabres in assists but really this spot should have been given to Vanek.  Not to tarnish a solid effort from Pominville, he is one of the few players on the team that has lived up to expectations.  He is the points leader and really has been the leader on the ice for the lack luster team.  Just heard that it’s The Great One’s birthday, somehow that excites me more than this pick.

Round 19:

Coach Ryan – Logan Couture Well,it all comes down to this. Who is Mr. Irrelevant for Cal? At least he gets a car. Well hold on a second Cal doesn’t win a car. At this point Cal doesn’t even win the 12 pack of Batty, at this point Cal is wondering why he didn’t take first pick because I can give him a player he hates. Hint his player just had an emergency appendectomy of course Cal hates him. Oh but it’s too easy I take: Logan Couture Big surprise that the Sharks are back on top of the Pacific standings and Logan Couture is a big part of that. His 21 goals leads the Sharks (12^th in the league) and his 36 points are second only to Joe Thornton in San Jose. His numbers all around seem to be on the rise from last year and if he keeps it up this will be the last year this third year player gets drafted this late in the All Star Draft.

Cal – Jamie Benn Well I just read that Jamie Benn was “Excited about his All-Star appearance”, that sure calms all my fears.  I hope he is excited to not contribute but get in some good exercise.  They say the Stars are coming out in Ottawa, this one is just a bit dimmer than the rest.

Coach Ryan – I would like to add Mr. Really Irrelevant Alexander Ovechkin –  Why did he have to get suspended? He didn’t deserve this game and I wanted him to be Mr. Irrelevant so everyone could take pictures of him. All well maybe next year…

Stay tuned for the results after the All-Star game.

From the 21st Century Museum site

 The 21st Century Museum of Contemporary Art in Kanazawa, Japan has this “fake swimming pool” as part of their current display of art.  It is a thin layer of water over a sheet of glass that you can walk under.

Comics Alliance did a feature on some Batman trading cards done in 1966 by Norman Saunders.  What intrigued me about them was how random some of the cards were (see Robin being put down a well)

Check out some of the randomness here – Link

The Moonrise Kingdom trailer excites me!  I love Wes Anderson and this looks exactly like what I have come to love and hope for from his movies

Ain’t dat sick…?  In udder wordz, if ya don’t know, NOW YA KNOW!!!

Wherr wuz I?  Oh yeah, it’z been sum time since we lass done spoke, and much love ta all mah peeps in da Lou as da St. Louis Cardinals won da World Seriez!!!  Hear dat?  Championz, dawg!!!  Ta be fair, I gots to give ya da linkz fo boaf teamz: 

http://www.lids.com/New-Era-59Fifty/Style_59Fifty-MLB-World-Series-Patch-Cap

Feelz good ta be kang, dudn’t it?   But not ta be leff owt…

http://www.lids.com/MLB/Texas-Rangers/20371595

Dey even gots dose in redz and bluez so you can show ya true colorz eider way, ya feel me? 
Me personally, I alwayz have had mad luv for da moviez.  When a muddafucka get off work afta a long fowty owa work week, you gots to wanna just chill wit cha girl and watch a flick a two.  Wonna da longest runnin franchisez in Hollywood be da Batman seriez.  E’rybuddy luv em some Batman!  Me, I gots dat evil presence up in da craw of mah ballz, so I luv da Joka. 

http://www.lids.com/DC-Comics/20335286

Ain’t dat hella slick?  Suckz bout mah homie Heath Ledga dyin at such a yung age when Lil’ man had such raw talent.  At leas he got ta fuck dat Jennifa Anistown befo he went ta be wit God.  Don’t get a muthafucka wrong, I hope ta be chillin wit da creata wonna deez days, but today ain’t dat day!  Dis MC be da baddest writa ta get behin a keyboard since da first Gulf War and I ain’t gon die no time soon yo. 

An last but not least, we know e’rybuddy wuz streesin out cuzza da basketball lockout, so we gots ta get you ya caught up on da court.  Da NBA be crazy, Kobe be gettin divorced, LeBron be gettin married, da 76ers be good?  (Whaddafuk, ddawg?)  Like I sed, life iz crazy sumtimez.  Y’all read comicz?  I dun did when I wuz a yungsta, and dis nex seriez a lidz be Comic fresh…like Marvel Comicz dat is!!!

http://www.lids.com/NBA/Philadelphia-76ers/20345747

Ya kno what dey say…supaheroes befo hoes!!!  Da NBA has come back ta save da sportin world from da doldrumz a winta and deez hatz be just da right tempatyur a freshness ta make you hot fitted enuff ta melt da ice ya walk on!!!   

Alla deez threadz be availabul at da best online site fa da set dat getz her wet…www.lids.com.  As fo me, da Supa Bowl is comin up so I gon be sippin on so much sizzurp a muthafucka gon be thinkin I dun be livin at IHOP!  Shit, ya kno I just be playin witchu.  See ya nex time!

So once again thank for visiting First Order Historianz and gettin’ some knowledge dropped on ya ass. 
 
R-Mizzle

Coming off a stellar weekend of hockey including the powerhouse triple header on the NHL network on Saturday, this weeks slate of games doesn’t seem to be letting up in quality.  Two quality Red Wings games on NBCSports and the NHL Fantasy Draft packs this week full of hockey bliss.  Coach Ryan and I will also being doing a draft week special report so stay tuned for details.

1. New York Rangers – The Rangers are #2 in goal differential (+33) in the Eastern Conference and #2 in goals against in all of the NHL.  They have not only won games with tough defense but with gritty play as well and the bottom line is they are winning the games that matter within their own division as they have dominated the Atlantic with a 9-2-0 record.  I don’t see a way that coach John Tortorella doesn’t win the Jack Adams award this year.  If the Rangers can get a handle on their power play which currently sits at 23rd in the NHL, they will be skating their way to the Stanley Cup Finals.
2. Detroit Red Wings – The Wings have taken hold of the top spot in the Western Conference and they have done it by playing classic Red Wing hockey.  8-2-0 in their last 10 and +11 over the 2nd place team in goal differential, the Wings have finally figured out how to win on the road including wins in Dallas and Phoenix in the past week.  Another great sign is that backup netminder Ty Conklin has played 3 of the last 10 games and went 2-1 in that time finally giving Jimmy Howard some much deserved rest.  Tonight’s game against the Blues will be a great preview of a potential Western Conference finals.
3. St. Louis Blues – Under Ken Hitchcock the St. Louis Blues just keep on winning.  Winners of 4 straight and 8-1-1 in their last 10 the Blues have been really impressive.  I would be worried if they were solely relying on one goaltender with their 17th ranked goals per game, but they have 2 goaltenders in the top 10 in GAA in all of the NHL.  My one worry with this team is their lack of goal scoring in games against other teams with top-notch net minders, as evidence in the last 4 losses that they had (Nashville, Vancouver and 2 against the Red Wings) but adding a top 6 forward would fix this real quick.
4. Boston Bruins – I was very high on the Bruins until January 7th rolled around and their game against the Vancouver Canucks.  It exposed them as a team that didn’t know how to control their emotions in a big game and play smart as well as hard.  They were trying to physically intimidate teams instead of utilizing all of the talent they had up front to score goals.  This nasty play reared its ugly head again with the suspension of Andrew Ference for a dirty hit he made against the New York Rangers.  I think the Bruins have the talent to be in the Stanley Cup Finals again but they are going to have to reel in some of the dirty play and focus a little more on the talent that they posses.  We will see if they have learned anything with their Tuesday night game against the Capitals.
5. Vancouver Canucks – The Canucks have been a little inconsistent lately with some head scratcher losses to Anaheim and Florida.  Their losses have come at the hands of poor goal scoring  as in their last 5 losses they have scored 2 goals or fewer and when they don’t score goals they go south.  They haven’t won a game in which they score 2 or fewer goals since November 20th and this team looks out of sync from time to time.  Lucky for the Canucks, the rest of the Division has look lost at sea and while they are treading a little water now, they still have one of the most talented teams week in and week out.
6. Chicago Blackhawks – The more I watch this team the more I realize that they will never make it through to the Western Conference finals if they don’t pick up a goalie.  With all of the offensive firepower that they have, they regressed on the goal tending side.  5-3-2 in their last 10 and 4 of the losses coming from Crawford, it is time to give Emery the full-time gig and search for a true #1 netminder.  The rookies have been very impressive and this team is a heck of a force on the ice, maybe they should give a call to Vancouver to see which goalie they could get.
7. Philadelphia Flyers – Another high power offensive team that struggles with goal tending, I had much higher expectations of this team coming in to the year.  The Flyers play in the best division in the Eastern Conference and have scored the most goals in the division but have  also allowed the most goals of the 5 teams in the division.  Something has gotta give because the Pen’s are hard charging again and the Rangers are showing no signs of letting up.  Even with Briere and Jagr out, moving James van Riemsdyk for a goal tender is the best possible option at this point.
8. San Jose Sharks – Oh San Jose, you continue to wallow in your average play with your immense amount of talent.  How does this team not score more goals?  I am looking at you Martin Havlat (yes, now he is injured but how do you explain only 2 goals in 26 games?  Joe Thornton and Ryane Clowe have also forgotten what lighting the lamp looks like.  Their 28th ranked penalty kill is nothing to be proud of either but this team will play slightly better than the other teams under-performing  in their division and will add to their first round playoff loss column.  Say hi to the Nashville Predators while you are there!
9. Pittsburgh Penguins – Dan Bylsma earns every penny of his contract as he continually fights through injuries that seem to never end on his team and they have maintained a top 10 ranking in both goals score and goals against which is no easy task.  They fought hard last night against the scrappy Capitals who seem to have found their stride and pulled off an overtime victory to bring their win streak to 6 (which also included a victory over the NY Rangers).  Tuesday nights game in St. Louis should be a heck of a match up with two great goaltenders and two hard fighting teams who are well coached.  I expect it to be a low scoring game with OT coming in to play.
10. Ottawa Senators – I never thought I would be including the Senators in any sort of top ten list unless it was a worst teams list.  I still don’t think the Senators are good enough to make a dent in the Eastern Conference but they have enough raw talent to make the playoffs in a relatively weak Eastern Conference.    Goalie Craig Anderson seems to have put the awful start of the season behind him but I am still not sold on ability to keep it up.  I have never doubted the offensive prowess of this team but sitting at a +1 goal differential isn’t going to take them very far.

Note – I didn’t even know that they AHL had an Outdoor Classic.  Read about it here at a great (even though she is a Canadians fan) blog – Link

by Ryan Meehan

This year’s conference championship Sunday proved yet again that American football still remains one of the best products available anywhere on this earth.  Each game was decided by three points, and we will be having a rematch of a recent Super Bowl which a lot of fans claim is one of the better Super Bowls of all time. 

As for the championship games; in both cases I’m not sure that the better team won each game.  However, the way I’ve seen some people react to the games today on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, you’d think everyone was eight years old all of a sudden.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the Giants but I love football more.  If they would have lost, this column would have been up at the exact same time.  I’m a fan of the game first and it’s really sad when I read some of the things I read tonight on the social media sites.  So let’s get a few things straight here:

1.  To the people that say “I’m not even watching the Super Bowl, man”…yeah right, sure you aren’t.  You’ll be right in front of the television just like everyone else that will be huddled around the idiot box for the highest rated TV program of all time and you’ll enjoy every minute of it.

2.  If you don’t enjoy every minute of it, it’s your loss.  I’m not going to sit here and cry for everyone poo-pooing about how they’re team didn’t make it – 29 other teams in addition to your team didn’t make it so shut the fuck up.  Don’t walk around talking about how much it sucks and call New England the “Cheatriots” or use some unfunny (and unclever) nickname that questions Eli’s sexual orientation.  It’s not fair to those of us who are enjoying this.

3.  Yes, Koz is a Pats fan and I am a Giants fan, so it’s going to seem like we have more of a vested interest here but why wouldn’t anyone who loves football?  Oh right, because you aren’t going to watch the game…

4.  Yes, there were several questionable calls made in the NY-SF game, but they went both ways.  There was a ton of no calls to balance out the madness and when you’re this far into the season you don’t complain about the officiating if you’re trying to sell everybody on the idea that you have the right to play in the Super Bowl.

5.  You didn’t really want to see either of the Harbaugh brothers make it did you?

6.  Really?

Let’s break the championship games down and examine why Sunday gave us more reasons that NFL football is king:

Patriots 23, Ravens 20 

I was a little surprised by the urgency that Baltimore showed as they very well could have just laid down and claimed old age as the reason.  They had an early pick that shook things up, and appeared to deserve every bit of the respect everyone (including myself) had tried to strip them of all week.  To be honest, I thought this game could have ended up being a blowout.  I thought Baltimore could have lost this game by 30 or 31 points.  But they showed up ready, and for the first half, the game was pretty back and forth.

At the end of the first half, New England tacked on a field goal and then another at the start of the third quarter, putting them up 16-10.  But then Flacco put together a very impressive drive and it was a one point game in their favor after a 29 yard touchdown to Torrey Smith.  Tom Brady ran for a touchdown that would end up being the only scoring play in the fourth quarter, putting the Pats up 23-20.

Not too long after the Ravens were in place to tie things and send the game into overtime as Billy Cundiff set himself up for a 32 yard field goal.  He missed, the stadium flew into a frenzy, and the rest as they say is history.  The Patriots got away with one here.  Their defense stepped up towards the end of the game (which they weren’t exactly known for this year) and this one could have easily gone the other way.

As for the Ravens:  Unfortunately if your a Ravens fan, I don’t really know what to say about the future of your team.  Although Flacco had some streaks of genius today and during the regular season, this team has established itself on its defense and I just don’t know how much time that defense has.  Ray Lewis, Terrell Suggs, and Ed Reed are all getting to be up their in age for guys whose positions depend so much on their speed.  And I said Ray Rice would need to have a big day:  He didn’t for the second straight week, and averaged just over 3 yards a carry.

Giants 20, 49ers 17  

This game started out with a very misty rain falling over the Bay area.  You know that type of rain that is just enough to piss you off but just light enough that if you complain about it everyone will think you’re a pussy?  That same type of rain can make it very hard to hang on to a football, which we’ll discuss later.

The Giants couldn’t run on the Niners to save their lives.  Not that they were concerned about saving anybody’s life, especially Eli Manning.  That guy got the shit beat out of him Sunday night, dropping back to pass 58 times against an extremely punishing San Francisco defensive front.  They went into halftime up 10-7 knowing that they would get the ball back on the other side of the break.

But like they’ve done so many times in the third quarter this year, the Giants failed to put forth much of an effort advancing the ball down the field to extend the lead.  The 49ers would eventually take the lead by four after a 28 yard TD pass from Alex Smith to Vernon Davis.  But they got a break as they would eventually put together a nice short little drive after a punt bounced off of returner Kyle Williams’ knee and was recovered by the Giants.  A 22 yard pass from Eli to Mario Manningham over the middle would cover their ass after a couple bad penalties.

Then I thought the Giants got lucky.  They were able to hold SF to a field goal on a drive that could have easily put this game out of reach with a touchdown.  Think about it:  If the Niners had scored 7 on that drive that Akers eventually knocked a 25 yard field goal, they would be up four points and it would be highly unlikely the Giants would have scored another touchdown without some crucial turnover.  Which is exactly what would happen once we got to overtime…

Just when you though Kyle Williams’ day couldn’t get any worse, he fumbled on the punt return which gave the Giants the ball on the Niners twelve yard line.  Within a minute, Lawrence Tynes was kicking the game winning field goal and the 49ers’ 2011-12 season was over.

Note about the 49ers:  I feel like I should say something about San Francisco here – They played a lot better than the Giants did during several large chunks of this football game.  In the end, they made one more mistake than the Giants did, and it cost them the whole shebang.  I do want to say one thing about the Vernon Davis end zone penalty:  Even though I though it was horseshit, I want to point out to everyone that the rule is if you use the ball as a prop, you’re going to get a 15 yards unsportsmanlike conduct, but that DOESN’T mean that UC calls are limited to celebrations that involve the ball.  Trust me, if you whip your dick out and start rubbing it on the grass after a game winning touchdown, you’re looking at a whole lot more than fifteen yards.

So, this of course leaves us with the Patriots against the Giants in Super Bowl Forty Six.  We’ll be doing a Super Bowl preview here at FOH next week and I’ll be back then with my pick, so stay tuned.  And I may go into greater detail about these two games at some point, but for now I have to get to bed.

Once again thanks for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying more of the finest in user generated content.

Meehan

There are a lot of television shows out there and a vast majority of them are pretty average to below average.  This new weekly column will focus on some of the shows that have piqued my interest, are trending up/down, are coming back soon or I have given up on the entirely.  I would love to hear from you the reader, about what you are watching and enjoying, what has you angry, what are you looking forward to.

Beware of Spoilers

Trending Up

Justified (FX) – Season 3 kicked off in Justified fashion with a nice balance of humor, shooting and great writing.   The “Ice Pick” was a great character, the fight between Raylan and Boyd was great and the new tension building has me locked in.  Wynn Duffy (my most hated but in a good way character) is back but seems to been emasculated a bit by his puppeteer.  Will Raylan settle down a bit and actually buy a house with Winona?  Does anyone else hope that Winona’s character gets killed off just so that Raylan can go back to be an uncaring badass?

The Simpsons (FOX) – The last few years of The Simpsons have been a shell of their former glory but season 23 has changed that a bit.  Last weekends episode “D’oh-cial Network” was quite humorous from start to finish albeit a little late to the party in context (making fun of the idea of Facebook).  I have seen a slight shift in the humor as well which accounts for the show getting better.  It seems to be a little less “safe” and more adult for the most part,  I hope this tend continues tonight.

Holding Steady

The Big Bang Theory (CBS) – The best moments of this show are the ones that involve Penny and Sheldon and their odd dynamic.  The worst ones are anything that involves Howard’s mother or Barry Kripke.  This season has featured too much Amy Farrah Fowler for my liking, as she seems more like a lame one liner than someone who truly add depth to the cast.  I am hoping she gets worked out of the cast by the end of the season.  The latest episode featured Leonard asking Penny out on a date and showed his continual insecurities with the idea of them making it as a couple, through a daydream sequence.  It was an interesting spin on the show as we saw a little deeper in to the psyche of Leonard but not a great episode.

Trending Down

Alcatraz (Fox) - This show had me intrigued to say the least but the first two episodes were pretty awful.  This is television for those people who have no imagination and like to be spoon fed sub par product dressed up cleverly as a “big thinker”.  The acting was laughable at times (the conversation between Jack Sylvane and the man behind the curtain while he was in the prison infirmary comes to mind), the dialog was pretty poor and the formulaic plot is pretty uninteresting.  I shouldn’t be surprised because it is Fox and they are some of the biggest “crap tv” offenders.  I give this show one more episode to see if it can get out of its rut.

Flatlined

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret (IFC) – I decided to give another shot to this cringe inducing David Cross show.  I made it 3 episodes in and have decided to pull the plug on this mess.  I can’t quite decide which portion of the show angers me the most.  It could be the ridiculous premise that they are selling an energy drink that can be used in a nuclear weapon or it could be just how much of a simpleton Todd Margaret is made out to be.  His naive good nature turns from endearing to annoying very quickly in each episode.  I really enjoy David Cross and understood what I was getting in to, but this show was too much.

Coming Soon:

Luck (HBO) – Season 1

Walking Dead (AMC) – Season 2.5

Mad Men (AMC) – Season 5

Game Of Thrones (HBO) – Season 2

So it’s down to the Final Four of NFL football, and everyone has their own idea of who should be playing in the Super Bowl. Truth be told, there are only four scenarios that face us.

Scenario One: The Ravens vs. The 49ers

Even with Las Vegas weilding the power that they do, I don’t think they’d be able to find a way to rig it so it comes out like this. It’s too easy with brothers coaching each other and…no, I don’t really want to see the hoopla that would surround it. The sad part is, it would end up being an awesome game if you were a die hard fan, but the casual fan would lose interest in it really quick. Would be a hell of a defensive showdown, but the last thing the NFL wants is a Super Bowl that ends up with a final score of 9-6. The odds of this happening are very, very low anyway.

Scenario Two: The Ravens vs. The Giants

Here again, too obvious. A rematch but not really. Kerry Collins played quarterback during that season, suffice to say a lot has changed for the G-Men. It’s going to take a lot of persuading this week to get me to imagine the Ravens becoming better than New England, and I’ll explain myself here in just a few minutes. My guess would be that if this matchup did really transpire, a majority of America would be behind the Giants because it’s an easy pick.

Scenario Three: The Patriots vs. The Giants

Obviously, would be the biggest draw out of the four and would likely be a blowout and a terrible game. Everybody on earth would be watching and it would be very desirable for American football as a whole. I’ll watch the hell out of it, but the Giants would end up getting blown out of the water for sure. It would take a colossal collapse from the Patriots in order for New York to win the rematch.

Scenario Four: The Patriots vs. The 49ers

Unless the 49ers have another huge TV moment like they did Divisional Playoff week, I can’t imagine that this game would be close either. Would you take the Niners here? Of course not…If they were to somehow win, there would be this cheesy “Dragonslayer” thing going on though and that would be super weak. And it would briefly create the illusion that on that day Alex Smith would somehow be better than Tom Brady, which is only true when viewed through a mirror in some alternate universe.

So there are your possibilities. But that’s still to be determined, and three weeks from now seems like an eternity to me. Now let’s look at the conference championship games.

Baltimore (14-3) at New England (14-3) 2PM CBS-TV

Bonus Fun Thoughts: In an alternate universe, Bill Belichick would totally be the type of coach that would love to coach a team like Baltimore. When Bill B was DC of the NYG back in the SB YRS, he loved that type of football. When you hear about Super Bowl era linebackers, the two that immediately come to mind would be Ray Lewis and Lawrence Taylor. Taylor thrived under the Belichick model, and helped Bill learn a lot about what teams were doing on both sides of the football. At very least, he was subconciously learning what offenses shouldn’t be doing. He’s been here before and has the upper hand when it comes to the playoff experience of the head coach by several endangered elephant tusk lengths. So it should be a good time; The Ravens aren’t going to hold the Patriots to 13 points I’ll guarantee you that. And if John Harbaugh wheels out his defense like he’s not playing Tom Brady, this game could take a good long while to finish. Oh and by the way, download some new songs from your favorite artist on iTunes. That way you can turn the sound of this game down without having to listen to Phil Simms talk. I’m throwing a Super Bowl party just because I found out CBS didn’t HAVE the Super Bowl this year. Here’s another bonus fun fact: The Patriots didn’t beat a single team this year that finished with a winning record. That’s significant because it’s completely insignificant here: Totally meaningless.

The Game: First things first, it looks like Ravens corner Ed Reed is going to be alright after all and no MRI was scheduled as of midnight Sunday. Even though I’m not the world’s biggest Ravens fan, I want Ed Reed to play because I like the way he plays football…most of the time. Since the Ravens’ strength lies in their defense and the Patriots’ strength lies in their offense, it’s quite possible that half of this game could be extremely boring.

When the Ravens have the ball, look for them to operate at about a 60% run/40% pass balance, with most of the big pass plays being thrown in Anquan Boldin’s general direction. If Baltimore has any hope of winning this game at all, Ray Rice and Ricky Williams are going to have to rush for more than the combined 87 yards that they put up against the Texans. (That’s just not going to cut it here) Although Belichick made his name building strong defenses, I think we can all agree that this isn’t one of them. They don’t have the visionary presence of a Mike Vrabel or the Tedy Bruschi that they had during previous Super Bowl runs. So if they get worn out and give up a couple of first down conversions on that first drive, expect the Ravens to go deep and succeed.

Now, this won’t happen every single drive, and even though they’re one win away from being in a Super Bowl I still don’t look at the Ravens as being any kind of offensive powerhouse. They aren’t the type of team that can put up more than 25 points this late in the year, they’re just not built that way. The Patriots could give up twenty-five points in a game like this, but the reality is that Baltimore just doesn’t have the weapons to challenge them. If the Ravens could create some points off of turnovers, then they might actually have something, so let’s discuss that while we flip sides.

When the Patriots are on offense, they become essentially what St. Louis was when they were considered to be the greatest show on turf except they use tight ends instead of receivers. The Denver Broncos had both great games and abysmal ones this year, but even if they did have a great one last week I can honestly say I doubt the score would have been any different. It’s highly likely that even though the Ravens are the most athletic team in the world for their age, they aren’t going to be able to compete with what the Patriots are about to shove down their throats. And that’s an interesting figure of speech to use because that’s precisely what they do. They can beat you on a deep ball, but it’s much more demoralizing if they can get you with three twenty-five yard gains as opposed to a bomb that’s equally as long. And like I said last week, yes there is virtually no running game there, but so what. You have to expect that Tom Brady has on his mind is that he’s just two games short of tying Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw for that fourth Super Bowl ring, and that realistically this is his best chance to do it since most would argue that comparatively the field is a bit thin this year. Honestly anything after that is going to be gravy and even if he ends up with five or six there’s still going to be plenty of people that will argue that he’s not the greatest quarterback of the Super Bowl era, and I’m sure he’s ready for that.

The Truth: The truth is Tom Brady is better than Joe Flacco. And while you will always hear plenty of that “Any Given Sunday” rhetoric, 94% of the time Tom is going to be better than Joe is. If I’m wrong here, my whole approach to life will be flipped on its head once again, because Ricky Williams will be playing for a World Championship.

Obviously everybody is zeroing in on the tight end thing but it is pretty unique when you think about it. Getting three, good, hard headed guys that will run across the middle for anything AND are incredibly athletic is pretty hard to do even if you own a professional sports franchise and you have hundreds of millions of dollars. I know this because if it wasn’t hard to do, there would be a lot of other teams that had three tight ends like Rob Gronkowski, Aaron Hernandez, and Wes Welker and the Hall of Fame voting fifteen years from now would be a hot mess.

Speaking of a hot mess, anyone can go out that way in the playoffs. The odds of the Patriots going out like that this week are about 8%. Expect the Ravens to lose this game barring some severe circumstances.

Prediction: Patriots 30, Ravens 18

New York (11-7) at San Francisco (14-3) 5:30PM FOX TV

Bonus fun thoughts: The Giants don’t play well in San Francisco. They never have. Trust me, I can remember getting carved up by Joe Montana and Jerry Rice plenty of times when I was wearing pajamas against my better judgment. Tom Coughlin is hardly Bill Parcells, and this past week he actually looked a little bit different on the sidelines than he had over the past couple of years. The Giants didn’t commit a whole lot of penalties, which killed them in the middle of the season. He remained calm when it’s not really his gig. So hopefully for me, I’ll see him without that attitude as opposed to having the attitude of once Jacksonville Jaguars coach Tom Coughlin.

History tells us that the Giants are 0-4 against the Niners in the playoffs at Candlestick Park, with most of those losses coming during the Montana era. The Giants are 2-0 at home against the 49ers in the postseason including a 49-3 drubbing during their 1986-87 Super Bowl Run, although that is hardly relevant here. It’s been a decade since the game in which Jeremy Shockey dropped a sure touchdown pass, Terrell Owens took the game over, and the Niners came back to win. But you can go ahead and throw all that out the window as that was then and this is now, and let’s not forget that the Giants are road warriors this year.

The Game: Boy, where do I even start? The Giants’ front line on defense has been brutal and had Aaron Rodgers running for his life just a week ago. Smith has the ability to run as most younger guys do, but I still say he could start to lose his composure of they pressured him early. The only problem with that is, if you do that then you risk going down early. And teams like the Giants don’t do well early against teams like the 49ers. The 49ers took the regular season meeting between these two 27-20, ironically enough the week after they beat the Patriots 24-20. Does that really tell us anything? Probably not, other than both of the losing teams could have easily won those games.

When the Niners are on offense, they will rely on Frank Gore to get them from one set of downs to the next, whom the Giants held to zero yards on six carries in the first meeting. QB Alex Smith has struggled in his career up until the beginning of this season, where he is flourishing under his third head coach Jim Harbaugh. Harbaugh has got everybody on that offense believing that they can be just as exciting and dominating as some of the other teams in the league which excel at putting points up on the board. Now that offense will face off against the Giants defensive line which has proved to be very punishing, especially with the return of Osi Umenyiora. Jason Pierre Paul can get over on ANY offensive lineman in the league, and Justin Tuck is equally threatening. It should also be noted that Tuck, Osi, and running back Ahmad Bradshaw were all out due to injury in that seven point loss earlier this season. I was listening to AM radio on the way to work this morning and they mentioned that when it comes down to it, the Giants are the healthiest of the four remaining teams. DE Chris Canty will be ready to go after some concern as to whether or not he had reaggravated that hamstring that’s bothered him the past three years. As a fan who’s probably more than a tad biased, it certainly feels like this never happens. By this time of the year (if we even get here) we’re usually down to Eli, one running back, and a bunch of last minute CFL signings. Let’s discuss that offense next.

When the Giants have the ball, it should be pretty apparent by Eli’s facial expressions on the first two drives whether or not they are going to win this game. The ground attack in the Green Bay game was very uncharacteristic of Big Blue. Bradshaw and Jacobs are big, stocky dudes who rarely break off runs of fifteen yards or more but provided New York with some crucial advances last week against the Packers. I don’t expect that to happen against the 49ers, and I do see the Giants coming out throwing long on the second play. The Giants’ biggest consistent mental mistakes happen when they can’t keep the offense on the field long enough for the D to grab a rest. 3 and outs have been a huge issue for Eli and the gang this year, and facing Patrick Willis and that electric Niners defense could potentially cause problems for them. Donte Whitner has also impressed me a lot this season and has been one of the team’s more vocal leaders, and produced a very interesting quote this week: “We’re not really trying to hurt people. But when we play physical, people get hurt.” That’s a great way to sum it up: The guys that AREN’T leading with their heads really aren’t trying to hurt anyone, that’s just the way it’s happens sometimes. In conclusion, the Giants need to get on top early to have any chance at winning. And if they don’t, they’d better have some serious tricks up their sleeve for later on in a playoff road game. I’d say the first route would obviously be the best option: There’s less of a chance that they’ll have to rely on last-second heroics and much less of a chance that I’ll have a heart attack. There was a report out Thursday that Eli had to take a little bit of time out of practice because of stomch flu-like symptoms, but this game is WAY too important to just assume he’s too sick and just hand David Carr the football.

The Truth: The truth is that San Francisco is actually coming off of a much bigger win. Even though the Giants derailed a team that had gone undefeated, the 49ers accomplishment was more impressive for a couple of reasons. 1) They hadn’t won a playoff game since 2002, it’s very important to the franchise. The Giants had been there just four years back. 2) You didn’t figure that Alex Smith was going to be the big story Saturday night. Everybody had 49ers obituary stuff on standby for when they lost that game (including myself), but when they didn’t a lot of writers ended up feeling dumbfounded. 3) The Niners win came in very dramatic fashion and at the last second. There’s a lot more reasons to believe that the Niners will win than the Giants. Although there are a ton of analysts picking the Giants to win, San Francisco making the Super Bowl would be a huge story because it would mean out of the last four years, twice the NFC would be represented by a team ouf ot the West – a division we are all guilty of bashing during the regular season. While the other game is definitely leaning in one direction, this one leaves both teams with about a 50% chance of winning.

So far, I’ve picked the Giants to lose two straight and they’ve surprised the hell out of me. And when something’s working, you develop all of these silly baseballesque superstitions and are afraid to come off your deck. And that’s why I will continue to pick against my own team.

Prediction: 49ers 28, Giants 26

Summary: In my own personal opinion, for the Saints and the Packers both being out the remaining four teams possess a lot of good qualities: The Patriots look seemingly unstoppable, none of the Ravens have been allegedly identified as a person of interest in a capital murder trial, The Giants knocked off the “best” team in the league, and the Niners have a lot of mojo/hype going and are playing at home.

It’s funny that we use the term “Final Four” with respect to the NCAA tournament, as it almost pertains a little more to the NFL. There’s four teams left and if you go out there and beat the shit out of yourself enough and can outplay the other team, then guess what? You get to play another week all roughed up and concussed!!! There’s nothing in sports that seems more “Final” than that. I’ve always thought “The NBA Finals” was a sort of a dumb name for a championship series. “Finals”? Plural? Huh? It’s interesting that someone as insightful, relevant, and hip as their commissioner wouldn’t have fixed that name by now.

My point is, these are going to be some great games. Enjoy with friends, family, or whoever else you might owe money to. We’ll back up here Monday to wrapup the conference round and start talking some Super Bowl 46. I sent an email to ex-Guns’ N’ Roses’ drummer Steven Adler’s publicist asking if he’d help me dissect the Pro Bowl but nobody’s contacted me yet. I expect him to come around though, he seems like he’s really got his shit together.

Once again thanks for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying more of the internet’s finest in user generated content.

Meehan

I hope everyone had a great start to 2012. I personally took a week or so off to let the NHL get back into full swing after the holidays. We have a few new teams coming into the Power Rankings this week and I even am doing a little venting against a certain team that has continued to get under my skin. Regardless we have another great week of hockey as we get closer and closer to the All Star Game in just a few weeks.

1.) Boston Bruins- I actually considered lowering the Bs in the rankings this week,  the only problem is I really didn’t have a reason not to. Although the Bruins dropped a game this week to the Hurricanes, over the last three weeks they have 8 good wins. The Bruins continue to lead the league in goals per game and goals against. This all translates to them sitting pretty a top the power rankings although I must admit there are other teams, especially in the west who could quite easily be taking over the top spot here in the near future.

2.) New York Rangers- Yes the Rangers are coming off a pretty poor defensive effort against the Canadians last night but that can’t get away from their 10-3 record lately including the biggest hockey game of the year in the Winter Classic. The thing that this team has that really turns me onto them is John Tortorella. Seriously if you saw the Canadians game the other day you saw him ripping into his players for their defense and then gave one of the more funny bench interviews in recent memory. Still you can’t put a team in the top in the league because you like their coach. If you have watched this team prior to playing in the Winter Classic you have seen that they have been playing on a different level from the rest of the league (outside of their effort last night in Montreal) and are tied with the Blackhawks for most points in the league. Look for a mega matchup this Saturday when the Rangers travel to Boston in a mega #1 vs #2 matchup, yup I’m still playing BS Guru….

3.) Detroit RedWings- This is where my and Cal’s friend Timmie busts a blood vessel in his head. Ok let’s get something straight, yes I realize that Chicago is ahead of Detroit by three points in the standings. Yes I realize the Hawks are playing phenomenal hockey. However since the new year the Wings have won both meeting with their hated rivals from Chi-Town. If you have had the pleasure to catch any of the Wings and Hawks games this year you know that they have been more of the entertaining games this year and I for one am really hoping that this becomes a playoff matchup. The big question this week is whether or not the Wings can win 15 home games in a row tonight against the very disappointing Buffalo Sabres. If only they could work on that sub .500 road record, they’d probably be number one in these rankings. I also would like to note that apparently Lidstrom doesn’t like playing on the road at all as he has backed out of the All Star game this year.

4.) Chicago Blackhawks- One thing about the Hawks yes they just lost to the Wings in a Western Conference mega matchup although it wasn’t easy and the Hawks were able to sneak away with a point. I still feel that the Hawks have as good 0f a chance as anyone to make it deep into the chase for the Cup and what Blackhawks fan didn’t love seeing the team figure out how to beat former net minder Niemi last night in a great game vs. the Sharks. The Hawks have an interesting week coming up as they face three winnable games against Buffalo and then tougher matchups against the Panthers and Predators. How about this for the rumor mill, would anyone like seeing Ryan Miller wearing Chief Blackhawk across his chest? Ya I really don’t see it happening either but it’s a fun thought on the rumor mill. Bottom line is the Hawks and the Wings will be battling out the top of the west, along with Vancouver, and will be leap frogging themselves quite often for the remainder of the season.

5.) St. Louis Blues- I know a lot of hockey fans that are amazed to see the Blues continue to be one of the top surprises this NHL season. I also know a lot more that are impressed that the Blues have started off the new year 5-0-1 and Brian Elliot continues to dazzle. I didn’t think the Blues would be able to hold on this long in the season but here at they are hanging tough at number five on the list. This week the Blues have the Stars, Oilers, and Sabres which if they walk away with winning those will set  up a huge matchup next Monday against the Red Wings.

6.) Vancouver Canucks- The Canucks have continued to bounce around my rankings like a ping-pong ball and in all honesty they could easily be in the top five. I put them below the Blues because of their 4-3 record since the New Year. This is a team that has potential and will once again make for a lot of fun in the West come playoff time. Since 2012 the Canucks have beat Boston and St. Louis but at the same time have dropped games to the Wild and Ducks along with almost giving a game away in Tampa. I attribute a lot of this to a brutal east coast road trip. I still question whether or not they can continue to hold on to both their goalies and if indeed they decide to trade either Luongo or Schneider they should be able to put any last pieces to the Canadian puzzle that could bring the Cup home to Canada.

7.) San Jose Sharks- Oh San Jose, here you go again getting the Bay area all excited. Let me be honest, I like the Sharks but how many times have we seen this before they find some way to let it all fall apart in the postseason. Coutoure continues to have a good season, good enough for a nod into the All Star game but they are still lacking that major point getter. San Jose has a tough game coming up this week in Vancouver for the best team in the west coast. San Jose has to continue to win and has benefited by playing non contending teams since the new year like Columbus.

8.) Philadelphia Flyers- Oh how the mighty have fallen, just a few weeks ago I had the Flyers near the top of the power rankings although they just have fallen to injuries just like their Pennsylvania neighbors the Penguins. I know they are still holding tough but with no cap space and underperforming goalies it is going to be tough for the Flyers to be able to make a serious run at the Cup as the year progresses. They dropped both games to their rival Rangers, including the Winter Classic when I really though the Flyers would find some way to be able to pull it out. They have a tough schedule this week with four games including back to back games to the Devils and then hosting Boston.

9.) Ottawa Senators- What New Years the Senators have had! Four players voted into the All Star Game by the hometown fans in Ottawa and they have come out firing. Since 2012 the Sens have been 8-0-1 including victories over the Flyers, Pens, and Rangers. The most impressive part they have been able to do this with allowing 3.1 goals a game, which ranks 27th in the league. The key to the Sens success is they’re 6th in the league in goals per game. Teams like this always worry me as I believe you must have a complete team to really have success. That being said they have been on a tear lately and with the All Star Games a little under two weeks away they will do everything they can to go into the break as one of the hottest teams in the NHL.

10.) Nashville Predators- It always amazing me how year in and year out the Preds are able to find their way into the power rankings and the playoffs. The Central Division continues to be one of the hardest divisions in all of hockey yet every team, minus Columbus, always seem to find a way to make the playoffs. All their major team statistics are right around the middle of the pack but thanks to Pekka Rinne once again being a solid goaltender and Shea Weber continuing to be a top defender the Preds are once again in the mix. I hope that Weber can stay healthy after coming back from his concussion and that has helped the Preds to a 6-1 record since the New Year. This week will be very challenging for the Preds as they face both the Rangers and their Central Rival Chicago Blackhawks.

Awful): Tampa Bay Lightning- I am adding another ranking here for one of my most frustrating teams of the 2011-2012 season. I don’t think many people realize that they Lightning have not won a single game in 2012 and have a whopping 1 point since the ball dropped on 2011. The defense is terrible, they are constantly in the box, and Roloson has an impressive .880 save percentage. Cal and I have been able to see first hand through our season tickets how frustrating this team has been after being one goal away from the Stanley Cup Finals. If it wasn’t for Steven Stamkos having another amazing year the Lightning would be battling the Blue Jackets for worse team in the league. I really hope Steve Yzerman can fix this mess although the way they have played expect some major changes before the trading deadline.