In Defense of That Which Is Suggested To Be Indefensible: Adam Levine of Maroon 5

Adam_Levine-The_Voice-RedThumbDay

by Ryan Meehan

Because of the highly critical nature of our society, there are certain negative opinions regarding famous individuals which are considered to be universal by those consider their musical preferences to be “above” such figures within the entertainment industry.  These beliefs are usually held by folks who think that for some reason there is no possible way for anyone who has become successful to be a decent person or a talented musician.  This is where the whole hipster culture grew an extra head and begin turning its nose up at anybody who wasn’t holding a tall boy of Pabst Blue Ribbon and proclaiming that the only good music in the world exists on the early Pavement demos.

Over the course of this progressive bullshit hipster revolution, I can’t help but notice that the celebrity who is constantly dogged more than anybody is Maroon 5 lead singer and star of NBC’s “The Voice” Adam Levine.  This of course is a travesty that is occurring in a world where Iggy Azalea is one of the highest grossing tour acts on the planet, and there are so many other artists who deserve the level of vitriol that is hurled in Levine’s direction.  To be brutally honest with you, I get it.  To the average blue-collar factory worker that isn’t an international sex symbol, I could see why some people view this dude as being a bit of a dick.  He exhibits certain aspects of confidence that could be misconstrued as pomposity, so I’m not going to act as if these thoughts are a tad bit unwarranted.

That being said, I think that even though the price of success often comes with the risk of monumental mockery perhaps adult males are giving this guy an unnecessary amount of shit.  He’s become pop music’s Carrot Top, and I don’t really understand how it got to this point.  Let’s take a look at some of the reasons that we might possibly be throwing rotten tomatoes at the wrong man…

Upon researching the topic of Adam Levine, I discovered right away that he has donated a great portion of his accumulated wealth to several charities.  While I realize there are several other people in his position who have done the same thing and may deserve some of the backlash he currently gets from the Too Cool Club, it looks like he has really gone out of his way on several occasions to make sure that he doesn’t hoard his riches so hear me out for a second…According to looktothestars.org – my number one source for red carpet Lady Gaga JPEGs – Adam and the rest of the gang in Maroon Cinco have donated to Amnesty international, The Red Cross, Autism Speaks, Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals, Clothes Off of Our Back, Give Back Hollywood, and Shriners’ Hospitals for Children.  If that weren’t enough, the band donated a quarter of a million dollars to the non-profit organization Feeding America to combat child hunger here in states.  What a bunch of assholes.  No wonder everyone hates the guy so much.

SALT 2012 poster Maroon 5

However this philanthropy doesn’t come as much of a surprise to me, because recently I saw the video for “Sugar” for the first time in which Maroon 5 crashes several local Los Angeles weddings and plays at no cost to the individuals financing the ceremonies.  While I do admit I have several friends who would be absolutely furious to no end if Maroon 5 showed up on their big day and played so much as a single note, keep in mind this is LA and I’m sure all of the participants were thrilled.  Plus, even if you don’t like them and that happened to you it would be a fantastic story nonetheless.  I don’t see how doing this makes you a dick in any way, shape, or form.  Additionally as I just said it’s Los Angeles so I’m sure they checked with numerous friends of the bride and groom to make sure they’d be cool with it which I’m sure they were, and it’s a genius idea for a video because it likely didn’t even cost their record company a tenth of what an average major label video budget currently runs.  Might sound like a corny idea, but you didn’t fucking think of it, did you?

But the turning point in transferring this from a simple opinion to the hyperlink you’re currently reading was when recently I came across an image on Twitter that I found to be very heart-warming in a world where very few things have that kind of an effect on me.  Apparently back in March during a show at the Verizon Center in Washington D.C., a ten-year old boy with Downs Syndrome by the name of Christopher Warner got backstage passes to meet Adam and the other members of the band.  Warner suffered a panic attack when he finally got to meet his favorite band, and had to lay down on the floor to compose himself.  So to make Chris feel more at ease, Adam and the rest of the band laid down with him so that he’d be comfortable and it worked.

o-MAROON-5-570

While hardly a heroic move, keep in mind we live in a world where celebrities pay people to follow them everywhere and carry hand sanitizer.  Of course the real lesson here isn’t the fact that they probably needed a lint roller shortly thereafter, it’s that they wanted to make sure they showed the kid they were willing to go there with him and do everything they possibly could to relate to the feeling he was having at that moment.  You don’t have to be older than a fourth grader in order to be able to feel that kind of love from a group of people you’ve never met before, and that’s why this story should make you fuzzy inside no matter who you are and forget the catalyst of behavior that this piece is centered around in the first place.  Speaking of which, what were we talking about again?  Oh right…that this guy is supposedly a douchebag.  Given the last three bullet points I’ve just presented, you can probably already determine that I’m calling bullshit on that one.

Let’s also remember one very critical piece of information here:  Adam Levine doesn’t have to do ANY of the things he does.  He has enough money that he can walk away from “The Voice” at any time and even if NBC sues the shit out of him, he will still have enough cash to live comfortably for the rest of his life.  He doesn’t have to do any meet and greets at all, and the same goes for radio and television interviews.  And he most certainly doesn’t have to show up at wedding receptions unannounced and give a performance that would cost the bride’s father upwards of a half of a million dollars at the absolute least.  Everybody is more than well aware of who Maroon 5 is, so unless he kicks a homeless veteran in the back of the neck on national TV his public image isn’t going to take a hit at all.  So technically, he can avoid any sort of human or media interaction and turn into a complete recluse if he feels like that’s what he needs to do.

But, he doesn’t do that.  So isn’t it possible that he’s just a decent guy who just so happened to excel at his craft and is reaping the rewards of years of hard work?  I’d say there’s a pretty reasonable possibility that’s the case.

Either way, believe it or not Adam Levine himself isn’t even the biggest beneficiary of the aura that is his own seemingly unstoppable sexiness.  It’s impossible for him to sleep with even a small fraction of the women who would gladly open the hatch for him at the drop of the hat, even if he slammed protein shakes from the second he woke up until the moment he passed out in the bed of a hotel room nicer than you’ll ever get the chance to step inside of.  The rest of the band won’t have the time to reap the spoils at the expense of the world’s largest pile of groupies either, as they’ll be onstage with him.  And just about all of these women I’m speaking of won’t get to fulfill all of their sexual fantasies either, as 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of them will never get to bang the guy.  So who is it that really stands to gain the benefits of Adam Levine’s musical talent?

It’s you.

That’s right, I said it.  You are the one who gets to take all of the Adam Levine chips directly to the poundhouse.  Let’s face it, most likely you have gotten laid because of this guy whether you know it or not.  I say this for two reasons:  First of all, I know this website’s market and it’s primarily young adult males.  It doesn’t matter if you’re straight or gay, because everyone likes sex.  It also doesn’t matter if you’re married or single, for the same exact reason.  Whether you’ve been laying your head down next to the same woman for ten years or on your way to meet someone you’ve been chatting up on Tinder, there’s a very real possibility that Adam Levine coming through somebody’s radio or Pandora could have a huge effect on whether or not you’re getting some that particular evening.  And God bless him for having the ability to do that.

The second reason I say this is because all of this anti-Maroon 5/Adam Levine hatred is just dumb guy shit.  That’s all it is, and nothing more.  Women who don’t find him attractive or don’t like his music aren’t going to be going out of their way to discuss their displeasure with regards to his existence in the way that men do.  They don’t give a fuck about him and that’s the end of it.  But a guy who can’t stand him will sit through an episode of “The Voice” and complain about how much he hates Adam’s guts the entire program.  This of course is fucking ridiculous, as the joke is on them because they’re watching a network that pays him crazy stupid amounts of money to be a vocal coach to artists that would probably end up getting a record deal regardless of how they place on the show.  So to quote the now legendary Richard Sherman, “U Mad, Bro?”

Keep in mind, I’m not trying to objectify women here.  If anything, I’m instead flipping the switch on the male gender because of the way the male brain below the waist tends to behave.  The point here is that as men, we have absolutely no business whatsoever hating on this guy.  He’s in our corner more than we could ever know, and he’s simply providing the game that you don’t have in the form of pop music.  Game that you wouldn’t need if you could sing, play guitar, or more importantly write even a fraction of the number of pop hits he’s crafted over the past fifteen years.  Instead of verbally crushing this crooner in such a cruel fashion, you should be praising this panty-dropper for all of the sexual situations he’s presented to you regardless of the fact that you might be completely oblivious to the connection.

So that’s precisely why I’ve taken it upon myself to publish this piece today.  Even though the guy has millions and millions of dollars, if you’ve agreed with any portion of this article you should hit him up and thank him for putting the “ass” in assistance – it’s the least you can do.  I’ve even included several links below where you can find Adam and all things Maroon 5, much in the same manner that I do when I am publishing the interviews.  I’ll likely never get the chance to interview Adam or any of the rest of the guys in the band, but as stated before they’ve still done me several solids already so it’s all good.

Official Website:  http://www.maroon5.com/

Maroon 5 on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/maroon5

Maroon 5 on Twitter:  https://twitter.com/maroon5

Adam on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/OfficialAdamLevine

Adam on Twitter:  https://twitter.com/adamlevine

Once again thanks for visiting First Order Historians and enjoying more of the internet’s finest in user generated content.

Meehan

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