Week Seven NFL Preview


by Eight Thirty Seven

We’ve certainly become a nation of participation trophies at the grade-school baseball level, but I expect more out of the NFL. After all, this is the league that has made us realize that the concept of “moral victories” is total bullshit. Or at least it was, until some bonehead Kansas City Chiefs beat writer did a piece on how the Chiefs “succeeded” in Sunday’s game against the Vikings. This of course was a game that they lost, but they had said that their objective in this game was to contain Adrian Peterson…which for the most part they did. Now I do understand that this was a writer and not a direct representative for the team, but it was on the Chiefs’ website and I can’t imagine that Andy Reid feels like a winner at 1-5.

The only place where you’d see a sorrier expression of the whole “participation trophy” ethos would be inside Lucas Oil field on Sunday night, where Colts fans spend most of the night wearing deflated footballs on their heads and making some of the stupidest signs known to man. The butthurt is strong with this crew, so much that they still haven’t taken down that ridiculous “AFC Finalist” banner from the rafters of that stadium. Maybe if their special teams coach had spent more time cutting that stupid fake punt (which for the record, wasn’t even legal the way they lined up) than he did listening to the cheering masses who spent a majority of their week eating cookies that were made in the shape of destroyed iPhones and deflated footballs then we’d actually be willing to hear their argument even though it should be over and done with by now.

But that’s neither here nor there…We’ve got some great games on tap this week and a lot of interesting spreads to boot. Some teams are turning the corner, while others are one or two games from totally packing this season in. No matter who wins or loses this week, we’re still going to have undefeated teams left in the league because two of them are off this Sunday. But let’s not look too far ahead, and instead crack this bottle open and do a double shot of what’s in store in week seven of the NFL season.

Bye Weeks:  Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals, Green Bay Packers, Denver Broncos

I can not even begin to explain how delighted I am to not have to hear about Cincinnati or Denver for an entire weekend.

Dubsism:  Throughout this challenge, I’ve been using a theme to describe the past week’s action.  There’s so many choices for last week that I can’t pick one.  I have two options, go with whichever you like.  

1) “That’s why they call it gambling.”  This is what you might expect, considering Week Six proved to be “Sunday, Bloody Sunday.” The bankroll took a beating, with a net loss of $470, which bring the season total to $2,518.  In other words; we gave it all back last week, largely due to…
2) “Trends on which you can depend” A great way to lose money is to get overly-confident ion things that only appear to be true.  For example…
  • The Seahawks as a Super Bowl quality team is an illusion.  The loss of defensive coordinator Dan Quinn and offensive lineman James Carpenter and Max Unger seem to be proving more significant than anybody knew.  Not to mention, offensive coordinator Darell Bevell is still an idiot.  The red flag for a gambler: A 2-4 team still being favored on the road.
  • The Broncos are undefeated, but they are easily the worst 6-0 team I’ve ever seen. Peyton Manning is playing like he belongs on an embalming table, and their schedule will start to get harder than 3-day old bread after their bye week.  The red flag for a gambler: The best spread-killer imaginable is a quarterback who has turned into a pick-six vending machine.
  • Everybody thinks the Patriots are an unstoppable juggernaut.  They aren’t.  Yeah, I get they are also undefeated, but that isn’t going to last much longer.  What’s is getting lost in all this “Deflate-gate” horse shit is the fact the Pats offensive line is thinner than an Ethiopian swimsuit model, which is why they couldn’t get first downs when they needed them at the end of that Colts game.  While everybody is wondering  what the hell Chuck Pagano was thinking about with that idiotic fake punt, nobody is noticing that the Colts had a shot to win that game late. With three minutes to go, the Pats had to give the ball back to the Colts after a three-and-out in which Indianapolis had to burn all it’s time-outs. The Colts scored quickly, and were only the bounces of an on-side kick from having a shot to send a game into overtime that was supposed to be THE statement game for the Patriots.  The red flag for a gambler: the Patriots are going to get huge spreads all year long, and they won’t cover most of them.
With that, here comes the challenge for Week Seven.  Let’s pencil in a date to meet at the plasma center on Monday..

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