Nobody’s Going Anywhere

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Like it or not, Donald Trump is going to be the Republican candidate when we all head to the voting booth on Tuesday, November 8th. Having risen from a sea of half-hearted conservative hacks that would lose a debate to a post office box, he’s captivated the nation’s attention with his quoteworthy one-liners and his tendency to put his foot in his mouth repeatedly while his numbers rise with each idiotic statement.

Before we go any further, let me state that I do not identify as a liberal. If Hillary Clinton ends up being president, this country could very well end up in a very confused continuance of the problems our current political structure seems to have perfected cranking out. It’s a very bad field of dim-witted shitheads to select from, and in our case it’s very unfortunate that whoever ends up being disliked the least will end up being the 45th president of the United States of America. In short, no matter what happens…we’re fucked.

That’s one of the many reasons why I’ve never really put too much effort into analyzing politics. No matter who ends up sleeping in the White House, none of these morons can take away my work ethic. And for the record, I don’t really give a floating fuck how “red state” that sounds because I’m great at what I do and no politician can or will ever take that away from me. I don’t spend my time online posting memes with unverified statistics, because I’m too busy being far and away the best at what I do.

However, Hollywood and other fragments of the entertainment industry are a little bit different. Whether you’re a Democrat or a Republican, it’s hard to deny that folks who dress up in prom clothing and hand each other golden statues every three weeks won’t even come close to understanding the plight of a guy who lays concrete in Northern Missouri fifty five hours a week to pay his ex-wife’s divorce attorneys. The latest example of this craze is actors, musicians, and comedians who are threatening to leave the country if Donald Trump gets elected.   Continue reading

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The Deep Six: Why Getting Weird Al Yankovic to perform at the Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show might not be such a weird idea at‏ all‏

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by Ryan Meehan

As die hard sports fans, we’d all like to think that we have no real opinion on the Super Bowl Halftime Show. This is the time that we use to relieve ourselves from all of the Busch Heavy that we drank in the first thirty minutes of the contest, and perhaps type up a few first half wrap-ups. But in reality, like it or not it is part of the experience. Over the past couple of weeks, a petition started by Ed Ball of Washington over at change.org has been getting a lot of attention.  Ball supposedly drafted the petition while intoxicated, but the purpose of this petition is clear as day:  He wants the National Football League to get Weird Al Yankovic to perform at halftime of Super Bowl XLIX this February in Glendale, Arizona.

I used to listen to Weird Al a lot when I was younger.  We used to get the tapes and copy them for each other, and Al was a seemingly never-ending source of entertainment.  “Dare to be Stupid” was one of my favorite albums.  Eventually my tastes progressed towards much darker subject matter, and there was a certain passage of maturity that came with saying “I don’t listen to that stuff anymore”.  Nevertheless, I still respected the guy and the career he was able to put together with an accordion and wire-rimmed glasses.    Continue reading