The Deep Six: The Icarus Syndrome – Metal Edition

by guest contributor Blade Mancano with Ryan Meehan

The Icarus Syndrome is defined as “a terrible virus that infects music, tainting it to the point of being unlistenable”. Icarus is a fitting metaphor in that the music comes close to passable, similar to the winged demigod’s fruitless voyage to the sun.  I can’t stand a bad album as much as the next guy.  I hate actually buying something – Yes, I do buy most of my music – be it a pre-order or a “long awaited return-to-form” comeback album that sucks the living shit right through your ears while you find yourself praying to locate the stop button.  However, this sad and brief moment in time has an easy fix:  Throw it away or sell it, get it out of here – problem solved.  Unfortunately there is a far worse fate for music fans: listening to a release that is almost good, hence torturing the listener who is simultaneously “kinda” enjoying it. Similar to putting on a fresh pair of wet socks to go with your dry-cleaned suit for a day at the office, it drives the listener to a crazy level of auditory irritation. A shady, shaky grey limbo of notes accompanied by either word salads or sub-par productions, the results are the same.  Purgatory…On…Earth.  The world of heavy metal is littered with such releases but here is my personal list of disdain, complete with Meehan’s snarky commentary to boot.  This is The Deep Six:  The Icarus Syndrome – Metal Edition.  

The Deep Six: Why Getting Weird Al Yankovic to perform at the Super Bowl XLIX Halftime Show might not be such a weird idea at‏ all‏

by Ryan Meehan

As die hard sports fans, we’d all like to think that we have no real opinion on the Super Bowl Halftime Show. This is the time that we use to relieve ourselves from all of the Busch Heavy that we drank in the first thirty minutes of the contest, and perhaps type up a few first half wrap-ups. But in reality, like it or not it is part of the experience. Over the past couple of weeks, a petition started by Ed Ball of Washington over at change.org has been getting a lot of attention.  Ball supposedly drafted the petition while intoxicated, but the purpose of this petition is clear as day:  He wants the National Football League to get Weird Al Yankovic to perform at halftime of Super Bowl XLIX this February in Glendale, Arizona.

I used to listen to Weird Al a lot when I was younger.  We used to get the tapes and copy them for each other, and Al was a seemingly never-ending source of entertainment.  “Dare to be Stupid” was one of my favorite albums.  Eventually my tastes progressed towards much darker subject matter, and there was a certain passage of maturity that came with saying “I don’t listen to that stuff anymore”.  Nevertheless, I still respected the guy and the career he was able to put together with an accordion and wire-rimmed glasses.   

The Deep Six: Why Sammy Hagar’s Music is Inexcusable‏‏‏

 

by Ryan Meehan

Through the years, we’ve all heard our share of classic rock.  We’ve been treated to the revolutionary sounds of Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, and The Who.  But as you well know, classic rock stations can’t play those artists all day, and in most cases will ignore Sabbath altogether.  What this means is there’s a lot of artists that you’ll never buy records from, such as your .38 Specials and your REO Speedwagons.

Another artist that I would put in that category would most certainly be Sammy Hagar.  The guy is a constant source of average cookie cutter rock music who thinks that his music is much heavier than it really is.  It’s pompous, obnoxious, and above all it’s boring.  In short, it’s just gone on for way too long.  We’ve all sat here and taken it in the butt while this joker has stretched this party band thing into a three and a half decade career in an industry that clearly used to know better.

The Deep Six: Why the 2014-2015 NFL Season Can’t Get Here Fast Enough‏‏‏

by Ryan Meehan

We’re just a little over seven weeks away from the beginning of the 2014-2015 NFL season, and I sincerely hope those seven weeks fly by. Let’s face it, this is the down time for the sports world. While the remainder of February and the entirety of March seem like they drag on forever, believe it or not July and the first half of August are even worse for sportswriters. So we’re going to go Deep Six on this one and explain why every one of these factors make the time leading up to the NFL season seem absolutely torturous.

How to be Offended by all 32 NFL Team Nicknames

by Ryan Meehan

The 2014 NFL season is approaching and will be here before you know it. Thankfully, ESPN and all of the other sports networks have given us enough of a pro football methadone drip so that we will actually believe the world won’t end before the season begins. We’ve seen contracts signed, trades made, and players cut.

But there was one story that I really didn’t see coming to fruition in the Summer of 2014, although with the way that the world is currently headed I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. On June 18th of this year, the United States Patent and Trademark Registration cancelled the Washington Redskins’ trademark registration due to pressure from numerous Native Americans who have been fighting for years to have the moniker changed. Even though this move won’t force the NFL team to change its name, it adds fuel to the intense fight by opponents to eliminate what they view as a racial slur against Native Americans.